Deadline
by Captain Creator
Summary: Story of Stan and his worse nightmare...commissioned work.  **need reviews**
1. 1:Work

Reviews feed the creation of this piece so please review or I will assume it's no good.

**Work**

"Work...Work work work...Shit, I have work to do. Well, it's due tomorrow, So I'll put it off till later and then re decide if I want to do it."

Stan sneaks over to the phone and silently picks it up. He begins pushing the numbers that in combination would result in the gift of a pizza at his door within the hour at a nice expensive price.

"AHH!"

The buttons begin to scream for help in the sound of corresponding tones to the numbers;

-Mission aborted.

Stan goes next door where his childhood friend lives.

**Knock knock knock...Knock …..knock knock...drum roll knock...Kicks door in**

"Hey Craig! Want to hang out, I have work to hide from."

says Stan as he stands upon the door he conquered.

"Sorry bro, I gotta smoke this TH fucking C man, got to fulfill my addiction, even though by theoretical statistics, weeds not addicting. I'm fucking hooked! It's not necessary but I need it!

Not really wanting to do with anyone who doesn't share my passion for it, or at least sells it. Sorry man,later."

Stan put the door back up right and cemented it in place.

Normally that wouldn't be a problem but when your five floors underground, It significantly impacts your travel schedule.

Stan takes three steps, no more, no less and begins his rant... to himself.

"What a fucking asshole, eight years of friendship replaced by a mild hallucinogen.

Shit, if your going to replace me you better be taking drugs that offer severely fucked up, vivid, life changing hallucinations. At least then your stories will be a hell of a lot more interesting."

Stan walks down the hall towards the apartments mail center.

**Number of the beast begins to play, muffled, from Stans back pocket**

***Flip***

"...yes?"

"I have your $200 held hostage in my wallet, bring the website tomorrow as we agreed, oh and I am just assuming you know what I want even though when we talked, I never actually said it. Good luck, Don't fuck up"

"...Click"

"Stan, why did you just say click?"

"I was letting you know what a hang up sounds like in case it happens."  
"what makes you think that is going..."

***Click***

"Shit, I have work to do, that $200 is in trouble!"

**Stan rechecks his internal motivation gauge  
"**Later."

Key, mailbox, turn, no result. Intimidate mailbox with a lovely sadistic smile that would give an old lady the satisfaction of Tapioca and death in the same package. Results.

He grabs the mail from the mailbox the best he can without being attacked by the overdeveloped dust bunnies who may have rabies.

Mail:

Microgoth-New deals on Laptops! Only $1,666 for a new P.O.S. Get your shit today!

Super hate:We despise your guts and wish we could legally do something about that but in sad attempt, congress didn't agree. We accept all major credit cards, not including geza or master baiter card.

Cemetery 'R' us: Bill for 1lbs of cement. Pay it now with 3 complicated payments of $24.32!

Stan pockets the bill and trashes all the rest. By trash I mean eats them. By rest, I refer everyone else's mail. Even little sally's letter from her grandma describing how the g-ma has reached the age of 99 and feels that she will be moving on to the next life within the month. Sad..but tasty so the letter had a purpose. As the conversion goes, 400 pieces of mail = one medium sized pizza.

Now full and brushed up on cementing skills, Stan retires back to his dreadful apartment.


	2. 2:Showdown

Stan opens his apartment door slowly and creepy like because that always made him feel like a creeper, which was what he wanted to be when he grew up. Once in the dark room, he was immediately confronted by the computer on the opposite side. The monitor seemed like a spotlight fixed on him. Its beckoning light draws Stan in. Sends him subliminal messages to the affect of..."GET TO FUCKING WORK."  
They were received efficiently.  
Stan grabbed his adrenaline shots he stole from the homeless guy by his door a week ago and injected like 2, 3 or 19 of them.  
Time for work.  
"All I have to do is finish the body tag, and the footer tag, nothing too hard really. Just got to ….. ….ohh fuck, what was I saying? Oh yea, feed the cat"  
Surely enough, within 10 seconds of sitting down, he was back up.  
"Here kitty kitty kitty, I've got a treat for you! The homeless mans finger finally fell off. I know you've been waiting for that!"  
Stan spent about 10 minutes looking for that cat when he went to go ask the homeless guy if he seen her.  
Stan immediately noticed the cat's collar being used to hold down a bandage on the homeless mans leg.  
"….where's…my cat?"  
*mouth full* "I dono"  
"Oh you lying sack of shit you ate my fucking cat didn't you? God…mother….Grrrr, I was saving her for tonight you ass! Now I have to code hungry...You owe me a cat!"  
Saying the word code put the idea back in Stan's head and so he took his seat again.  
This time he actually paid attention to the screen, well that is until the characters in the coding started swirling around and all started to look like a foreign language.  
"What the hell? Shit, if this is hell, I might just be entertained!"  
He fell into a trance of watching these characters float around and make different words for hours on end, the adrenaline rush finally wore off around 4; Plunging Stan back into reality.  
*alarm clock sounds throughout the house*  
Stan nails it right in the middle of its digits with his hidden Boy Scout knife.  
"Wait…alarm means….4:00am! Shit shit shit, my appointment is at 5 am, ohh umm... ehhh... I definitely can't present this! This is just a couple of things I hit while trying to catch those damn codes"  
Stan frantically threw himself around…literally…for no real good reason.  
*neighbor from the below stabs at sealing with not a broom but a katana in attempt to stab Stan and quiet the noise*  
"Oh I know, I'll find a really good website and copy the code, then present that to the industry man. The industry apes don't know shit about how things work on the technical level."  
Stan found a site called Natas's home that seemed professional enough.  
Copied, personalized. Stolen.  
He took flight … off the coach, and then he headed to the appointment.


	3. 3:Monkey Fodder

Monkey Fodder

5:01 AM, one minute past expectation.

Stan doesn't care, but it's not Stan's care that business man Flan cares about.

Stan comes in through the overly dramatic big doors that seemed to be a waste of money and yet look good.

"I'm here with the site, release that money at once you Ape!"

Flan, outraged, throws his banana on the ground.

"YOUR LATE, THAT'S $50 DEDUCTED FROM YOUR PAY! Don't you get it? Time equals money and you're wasting it like an idiot."

Stan, outraged, throws down the eyes of the secretary that he had to gouge to get in here.

"Hey! That's not fair. Your elevator is out of order and your stairs don't exist (fat bastards). I had to scale the god damn building just too even get in here!"

"Exercise, a word your generation would understand."

Stan went to take a seat, but as any strategist would do, He tried to confuse the enemy by walking in zig zags and doing some loop De loops. The strategy failed, but Stan had fun doing it. Personal Accomplishment.

After finally arriving to his destination, Stan brings up his site on the old crappy pseudo 95 computer.

"I LOVE IT," says the ape with a new found emotion "Exactly almost what I wanted! We'll hire you to implement our business and shit like that into your site. After that, we are going to take the website and leave you screwed. That's okay though because we will be giving you another $200 so you still make $350 with this site while we are making millions. Deal?"

Stan put his head down in shame.

"Whatever, Screw me, but first, the fucking money!"

Mr. Flan took out his $1000 wallet and pulled 3 of 4 $50 bills out.

"LOOK, HOLY SHIT its GODZILLA"

Mr. Flan didn't know what Godzilla was but figured if it was that exciting, he must look.

Stan took all 4 $50 bills and booked it as if this giant ape was going to start launching barrels at him. Little irrational but certain video games scarred him as a kid.

Stan jumped down the elevator shaft in expectance that it's still not functioning. Little did he know that train of thought just through random happenstance started the elevator up again.

He landed on the top of an elevator and quickly contemplated an escape before the moving coffin made it back to the floor where ape man Flan lives.

"Idea! Drop into elevator, kill everyone, book it for front door?"

Execute.

He jumps down through emergency exit.

1st person, stab to the throat with stolen pen.

2nd person, paper cut to the eyes with the $50 bills.

3rd person bit Achilles tendon.

Ding, door opens.

Free.

Mission accomplished.

Results –

Dead: 3  
-A grandma  
-A Janitor  
-Fat plumber in red suit.

Stan finally makes it home after running through 3 days and 1 night, it's a store by his house.  
(Good coffee).

He arrives to find the homeless guy in his house using the facilities.

"If it floods, that's your dinner!"

Stan counts his money as if he had robbed a bank.  
"Ok, now I need to get rights to that site I showed ape man. Hmm, I'll send Natas an e-mail."

After 4 hours of contemplating what he would say to Natas via email, it came out very simple.

Dear Natas,

Give me your fucking site.  
Sincerely,  
Stan

P.s. I have money.

"E-mail sent, now I play the waiting game...Fuck that, I've got a better game!"

Stan ended up playing Pin the deodorant on the homeless. Entertaining for the whole family!

Score, One to Zero.


	4. 4:Stan's Sister Lye

This is a branch off of the main story about Stan in Deadline.  
It's about Stan's sister Lye. She was a lot like him, almost. She was a bit more deadly and uncaring of anything that could possibly take place in the world. In fact, shes the biggest danger in this downtown crime corrupted neighborhood.

*knock knock knock*

"Who is it?"  
said lye as she stood by the door with a metal baseball bat she stole from the last guy who entered.  
"It's Stan, your brother, let me in"  
Stan waited impatiently in the homeless infected hallways.  
"Not a chance, I'm not opening the door for someone claiming to be my brother. He would call first, or send C4, and you did neither so go the hell away"  
"Lye, my phone broke when I fed it to the homeless guy as a last resort"  
*KABOOM* The door exploded into the apartment  
"and I brought the C4."  
Lye swung as hard as she could and knocked Stan back into the hallway.  
"I didn't say you can come in yet"  
"GOD DAMNIT WOMAN, it's only me...your Fucking brother!"  
lye kept an emotionless face  
"you can come in now"  
Stan got up to his feet holding his stomach, which really he was holding his rib cage together.  
He walked through the door way and was once again hit by Lye.  
"WHAT THE FUCK DO I HAVE TO DO TO GET IN THAT GOD DAMN ROOM!"  
Lye smiled  
"thats for the door"  
Stan entered the room and immediately grabbed the bat and threw it out the window. This apartment was 19 floors up, the bat had gained enough acceleration to destroy a car...and by god it did...Stan's car.  
Lye put the door back up and tapped it in place.  
"what brings you here?"  
Stan coughs up blood and wipes it off his face  
"nothing worth that beating you bitch."  
"I miss you too Stan 3"  
"No, i'm here to tell you that.."  
*Some one comes running down the hall and kicks down Lye's door*  
A weak wannabe girl appears behind all the dust waving a knife.  
"I wanna kill you so bad, I want to kill all of you. Arn't you scared? I'm a tough wanna be!"  
"To hell if i'm scared of you bitch"  
"what? but I have a knife, and my boyfriend who is a bit less psycho has guns, lots of them"  
"I have the fury of Satan and the 9 degrees of hell, I'm about to show you why your not suppose to run with knifes little girl"  
"Your just a want to be goth, Poser"  
Lye twitched, and by twitched, I mean she threw 2 knives directly into the eyes of the wannabe.  
"fuck, was aiming for the head"  
The girl ran away screaming...then fell on her knife.  
"No one listens, I told her ...I mean.. well... Who the fuck cares"  
Stan was pretty used to this all by now, rather, hes disappointed that her aim wasn't as good as it  
once was when they practiced sharpshooting with ants from 300ft away.  
" as i was saying, I came here to tell you"  
*Gun fire*  
"HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO MY GIRLFRIEND"  
*Lye ran over to him, took his grenade, pulled the pin, shoved it down his pants and kicked him out the door. She put the door back and cemented it in with the extra cement Stan had.  
*KABOOM*  
"GOD FUCKING DAMNIT, so many distractions today, Go on Stan"  
"Lye, I Love you, Happy Birthday sis"  
Lye felt emotion for the first time since her last birthday in regards to Stan.  
"I love you too Stan"  
"...by the way... you owe me a door still"  
"anything for you Sis 3"  
Stan decided that he had stayed long enough so he hugged his sister and left the building.  
"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY CAR"  
Stan cried out as he fell to his knees.  
Lye looked out the window and whispered to herself  
"...you always make me smile."  
End


	5. 5:Natas

**R**eview!

**R**Eview

**REV**iew

**REVI**ew

**REVIE**w

**REVIEW!**

"Dear Stan,

I'm willing to take you up on that offer. There is one condition though. I want you to sign over your soul as well. I hope you can understand, I put a lot of work into this and think it's worth the equivalence to someone's soul. By the way, if you don't want to give your soul over, then it will be $1000. I hope you make the right decision.

-Yours truly,

Natas.

Stan read over this and before he even made it to the end, had his soul written down on paper and signed.  
"To hell with my soul, that bastard has been getting me in trouble at every conscious decision."  
Stan wrote a quick reply e-mail to Natas.

Natas,

Meet me at starsmucks tonight at 8.  
I won't shoot you if you don't shoot me.

Insincerely,

Stan.

Sending.

Sent.

Stan headed for the door around the time of 8. He made sure to dodge the knocked out homeless man who smelt significantly better but was now tied to the ceiling fan…Spinning at a rate of 90 rotations per minute. The breeze was nice.

Stan made it to starsmucks and took a seat in the darkest corner he could find, not because he likes dark spots, but because it was the only spot in the house that didn't have bathwater from the apartment above leak onto its table in mid-meal.

He watched the door like the elderly watch TV…Religiously.

No one stood out as a person named Natas. With no fucking idea who the hell calls their child Natas, he doesn't find a match that meets the name. One little girl that entered however had him puzzled. She looked like she was possibly 8. She was wearing a long pink dress that had hopping bunnies for designs. Accompanying her was a stuffed lemur that probably hasn't left her hands in quite awhile.

The girl approached Stan.

"You looking to sell your soul" Said the little girl with the deepest voice Stan's ears have ever heard.

"Are you….you can't be….maybe…..Are you Natas?"

"No no no, I'm jack, this is Natas" She held out the stuffed lemur.  
"Ok, quit fucking with my little ….spawn of shit you are, are you Natas or not?"  
"This lemur is Natas, Isn't that right Natas?"  
The lemur turned life like and stared Stan in the eyes.

"I'm here to honor our agreement Stan" the lemur said with a very high pitched voice that would make babies explode due to mental chemical reactions enabling the fight or flight or destruct mode.

"Your….you is a lemur?  
"Best damn lemur you've ever seen buddy!" The lemur puffed up its chest a little bit in recognition that it's not as small as its size led to believe.

"Ok…I've seen a lot of shit..But…that's fucking cool!"

"Shut up Stan, do you have Soul and the $200"

"Yea, here! Now give me the right to the site"

The lemur pulled out a little scratch piece of paper that had written upon it "I give Stan rights to the site, signed. Natas"

"Stan, thank you for the soul! Ohh and the $200!"

"No problem, anytime...well…no…never really….umm btw… you smell…you smell like…

"A lemur?"

"Yea, that's it!"

"…No shit"

Stan realized his own integrity failing him. He took the piece of paper, and headed back to the apartment to start working on the site. Natas and the girl disappeared from where they stood, only to realize that their teleportation machine doesn't get signal on this side of town.  
"Damn you Ab&c"

Stan kicked his door down on random surge of enjoyment…only to find that on the inside was his to be thought locked in weed smoking friend. Behind Smokey, was a giant hole in the wall.  
"Wwwwhhh….WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO MY WALL YOU FUCKING HIGH AS S FUCK…FUCKER!"

"Dude, man! I totally thought you would like the improvements! I made it so we can see often and so that I can use your toilet. Mine broke because of the rat infestation. They like swimming so I put them in the toilet and dude totally tried flushing them. It was great…really great. Yea man."  
"You...you…. what ever! Bloody bastard, I'm definitely lacing your weed with dog food next time."

Stan grabbed a piñata and gave the swinging homeless man a good wack. 75 cents fell out.

Stan took this 75 cents and stepped down the hall for a beverage of his desire. Good ol' fountain gew!

He put the change in with the desired result of a soda to please his daily angry episodes.

Unfortunately, (perhaps more fortunate for the reader) not all Stan's coins were accepted as one got stuck in the machine. Something took over Stan. Something has taken over his body and has begun penting up rage! Within seconds of the coin transaction, Stan was on fire and now a horned beast.  
*POW*  
the sound rang throughout the neighborhood block as Stan lodged his fist into the wall behind the vending machine as the machine was a light weight.

"I WANT MY FUCKING SODA AND I WANT THAT DELICIOUS MOTHERFUCKING GOODNESS INSIDE ME NOW!"  
Stan took his soda and immediately calmed down.  
For the moment while it lasted, Stan felt like he had the power of the sun… or maybe superman, his childhood hero.  
Once his episode retired, he had the name Satan echoing through his head. Usually that was nothing as he is used to do that from 9 Am – 5 PM Monday through Friday, but on a Saturday? Never! Something has changed... something….FUN!


	6. 6:Dreaming Reality

Stan was standing in the middle of a white room that had animated bunny graphic wallpaper dancing across all four walls.

"Stan" said a deep voice as the word rang throughout the room

"Yes? Who are you? Where am I?"Said Stan as he fathomed the possibility of there being a bathroom nearby.  
"This is Jack, I'm here to remind you that you're a piece of shit and you will never get that website finished. You will never be good enough for the money you were promised. Never. Never. Too bad."

"What the hell are you talking about and how did you get in my head?"

"Stan" Said a high pitched voice from outside the walls.  
"Natas? Is that you Natas?"  
"Stan, it is Natas. I must once again thank you for your soul. It's quite impressive I must say. I wanted you to have something in honor of our transaction; It's a t-shirt with my name on it so you never forget you buddy Natas."  
A shirt materialized from the ground up onto a floating pedestal near Stan, he put it on. It was a plan white T-shirt exactly Stan's size that just said on it Natas In bold letters.

"Umm… It's not often I accept things from strangers, none the less lemurs."

"If that was an insult, you might want to watch your words; if that was some sort of failed compliment…then…you're welcome.

The lemur came into the room.  
"Stan, we are going to be close, I can feel it"  
"till next time Stan" came the deep voice from above.

Stan looked up to find these hidden speaker projecting voices.  
*STAB*

"That's for insulting me Stan"

The lemur stabbed Stan in the stomach with a butcher knife.

*WAKE UP...WAKE UP...WAKE UP...WAKE UP*

The alarm clock went off in the annoying fashion that alarm clocks trend upon.

It was quickly punched with the fury of a thousand slave workers a crossed the room into the head of the homeless man nailed to the wall.

*WAKE UP...WAKE...Up...Wake...up…up….wake…Bzzzt* 

Homeless man quickly recognized life as being his bane of existence.  
"What the hell just happened, my dreams are never that...that real."

The average dream consisted of Stan riding a gorilla down the street after a UPS truck because the UPS truck was carrying his new acid reflex control helmet. The UPS man could never find his apartment because the building isn't marked in attempt to keep the creepy pizza man from finding them.  
He never makes it to the UPS man because he never brings enough bananas to keep the apes interest.

Stan looked around the room to check on the status of reality.

He immediately spotted a butcher knife on his bed side stool. Aka, cardboard box.

There was a note attached to the knife.

"A present from Jack and I for buying the site and giving us your soul. It cost $50...so you owe us…"  
Stan realized that this was the same knife in his dreams... he would know as it was lodged into him.

"How the fuck did they get in here?"

From across the room, the homeless guy spoke "I let them in."  
"How the hell did you get down from there? HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET BACK UP THERE?" questioned Stan as his mind attacked him with the mysteries of life.

"They helped me" replied the man  
"oh...that was nice of them"

"Oh and they took your last pair of clean underwear"

"THOSE FUCKING BASTARDS!"  
Stan then had an oddity of a thought pass through his mental complex.  
"Why does a lemur need…, oh fuck it"

Stan gave up; this lemur isn't your ordinary lemur. No no no, he's an underwear eating freak. Mystery solved.  
Stan walked into the front room and hopped on the comp to do some pretend work.

He opened up the website to perhaps find something he could fix without the addition of brainpower.

Code. Ctrl + A +Delete.  
All the code was now gone.

"No…No...NO! Stop!"

Stan's hands began moving on their own as they want on a spree of deleting all this most precious things.

"No no no no! Fuck! Stop! I just bought that site… NO NOT MY PORN…oh you piece of shit. You just crossed the line"  
Stan began the process known as cannibalism as he started to gnaw off his arms.

NERVE.  
Control back in store.

Once he regained control, his flowing fountain of blood led him to commence the game "Hide and go Seek: glue addition. The Glue went first.

Once he found the glue in homeless man's right shoe, he glue the wound shut.  
"What happened? It was like I was being controlled. Controlled…you can't control a man with a free will, a sou...Shit."  
Stan looked up into the computer monitor and noticed in the reflection that he was wearing the shirt in his dream that Natas gave him. It even had Natas written on it. Then, Stan realized something. He'd been played by his idol. The word Natas appeared backwards in the reflection. Satan.

"Oh…"


	7. 7:Stan my man!

"Stan my man! How are you doing?  
"Not that good, actually…terrible."  
"Oh good. Hey, I'm calling to find out about the website. Is it almost done?  
"Satan just made me delete it."  
"Oh God, Well we need it by the end of the week. Can you get it to us by then?  
"No…"  
"Oh good, well you better!  
"But I can't"  
"$200 says different your lazy bastard"  
*click*  
Stan stared at both the phone and the place where his site used to be.  
"Well played Natas, well played"  
"Thank you" Said a voice from the orbit around Stan's head  
"Oh what the hell?"  
"Yes Stan, since you gave me your soul, I've moved in."  
"What do you mean…you moved in?"  
"A soul is the reason you experience things. Your emotions, physical desires, even your aspirations. So by moving in, I have control of your entirety of a life. Stan, I own you"  
"How the fuck was I suppose to know that giving a lemur a piece of scratch paper was to result in Satan taking my soul. I guess I didn't put the pieces to fucking together. Fuck."  
"Don't worry Stan; we'll take good care of you. Sit back and relax!"  
"What the hell is that suppose to mean?"  
"Stan, Meet Jack and I at McJuicy around 9. Be there or…. Well we will make you be there"  
Stan felt the clutch on his soul release, letting him be himself again.  
He got onto the computer and brought up Google  
"Oh Manifestation of everything life, help me rid this lemur infection from my soul!"  
First link: What lemurs like to do in their free time?  
Click.  
"Lemurs: Lemurs are harmless little creatures who love to be very active.  
Traits: Sexist = Lemurs love to be in the care of young girls with long pink dresses (rare to find the girls with bunnies for design)  
Cute = Lemurs are incredibly cute, perhaps the cutest animals in the world next to old people.  
Devious = some lemurs have the chance to be born as Satan reincarnates. They seek to own souls and conquer bodies until they manage to create social chaos and disorder. This is only a .01 chance so no account has been recorded till this day. However, if such were to occur, call us at 1-900-fuckinglemursRus.  
Food: Lemurs eat fruit  
Vegetation.  
Souls.  
For more information…Google it.  
"At least I got a number"  
Stan dialed the number and was soon accompanied by loneliness of elevator music.


	8. 8:The kit

"Thank you for calling…Stan. How may I be of assistance to you on this lovely Friday the 13th during the full moon of the third harvest blah blah blah?"  
"How do you fucking kill Lemurs?" The anger in his voice nearly slipped out his clenched teeth.  
"We are only here to assist the future living of Lemurs, not to harm them. They are an endangered species and should not be violently killed.  
"Fine, I'll destroy them calmly with a .22 and a door knob; Sufficient? By the way, guess who else is endangered? I am! So god damn it, how do you erase the existence of this furry annoyance?"  
"Stan, Lemurs are no harm to the…"  
"Lady, I'm about to show you what I do when life gives me a new fucking batch of sour ass lemons."  
*Images of Stan torturing the lady by dripping citrus acid into her taped open eyes ran through his head*  
"Let me get my manager…"  
*Elevator music *  
The hold has Stan on edge as he feels like taking the phone wire and suffocating his weed smoking friend. Unfortunately, the cell phone is wireless…no luck.  
"Jones speaking."  
"Jones, tell me something. Are you a brainless idiot who only follows a fucking outdated script stapled to your forehead? Jones, Can you actually answer a question that you didn't spend four months training for?"  
"Ask me." Jones replied without allowing his head to combust.  
"How do you kill a soul stealing shit of a lemur?"  
"Oh…you…dude…shit! We have an emergency kit that's just been laying here for years. Never thought the .01 percent would ever actually come to be. "  
"Get that case out of your ass and prepared for me, I'm on my way"  
*Click*  
Well, not really a click at all. In Stan's impulse to get to his car, he crushed the phone in his hand. By phone, I mean the cell phone of the homeless man. A phone the homeless man spent ten years saving up for. It was his first cell phone ever, new and ready to go…Now laying in several pieces upon the floor.  
"I…I… I hate you Stan."  
The homeless man said as he went to the bedroom to prepare a noose. No time for that now, back to Stan!

The destination was over ten miles away, and as of recent activities, Stan didn't actually have a working car anymore. This was a problem.

*Smash*  
*Hot wire*  
*Take off*  
Problem solved.  
Stan stole a …Moped.  
By smash, be destroyed the rear view mirror. Hotwire = turned the key.  
At a blazing forty-five MPH, Stan was on a mission.  
We all know how missions work out with Stan.  
Unfortunately, Stan was also supposed to meet with Natas a minute ago.  
Stan started to feel Natas regaining control in order to force him to go to the arrangement.  
For whatever logical reason, something donned on Stan.

"How the hell did the lady on the phone know my name?"  
His face grew long  
"…Fuck."


	9. 9: Lemons

"Stan, you're late."  
Said the voice from inside his fleshy cage.  
"I'm not coming to your tea party!"  
"Stan, don't be like that. We even brought out the china."

"I'm NOT coming, I've decided to go out and get rid of you, you stupid lemur."  
"Stan my forced friend, that lady on the phone is under my control. You won't make it in time before she rips his skin off and destroys the kit."  
"The hell I won't!"  
Stan stomped on the gas pedal in anticipation of defying the limits of the moped. However; due to Natas's control, Stan ended up hitting the brake at 45MPH.  
*POW*  
Stan began hurling through the air at a rate faster than the moped was going originally.  
"HAHA FUCKER!"  
Within mere seconds, Stan quickly became lodged into the fat rolls of a beat of a lady, riding a motorcycle.  
Lucky for Stan, She died of heartache in lue of the excitement. The sheer weight kept the motorcycle level and away from sudden explosion.  
He pried her off with his extra crowbar.  
100MPH, 2 miles remaining.  
"Stan, it's like you don't pick up signal from your own conscious you won't make it."  
"Get the fuck out of my head your dirty little weasel."  
"Idiot, I'm in your soul, not your head."  
"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING FURRY PIECE OF TALKING SHIT."  
"Stan, you have anger issues, I enjoy them, please don't stop!"  
Stan approached the building and with a furry like that of a policeman in mid hunt for the next pack of donuts; He rammed the gates of his salvation.  
*CRASH*  
the bicycle exploded for extra dramatically effect.  
Stan walked out of the dust.  
"Hello Stan, how can I assist you today?"  
"Give me the fucking kit. Remember...the lemons..."  
"Here you go Stan, I've been waiting."  
She pulled duel nail guns out of her cute cheer leader pony tails.  
"Dead with solve everything, Stan."  
"Oh fuck...you!"

Stan dodged the nails as he also approached with eyes a blaze.  
Once in range, He pulled out his juicer gun and squirted her in the eyes with citrus goodness.  
She dropped her assault and began her tactical...screaming for her life.  
*BANG*  
He nailed a lemon to her forehead.  
"Fuck life, I'm giving the lemons now!"  
He walked into the backroom and saw the kit sitting in a spotlight in the middle of the floor.  
There was also a blueberry muffin sitting on top for extra motivation.  
Stan approached, weapons drawn.  
*SLAM*

To be continued...


End file.
